Thursday, March 11, 2010

On The Subject of "Libtards"...

I've been using the word a lot as of late. "Libtard" is a hybrid construction of Liberal and Retard, which I use to describe a certain class of people who espouse what, to me anyway, seem to be beliefs, both political and social, which defy any sort of logic.

I'm not certain where it came from. I might have heard someone else use it, or maybe read it somewhere, and so I won't claim progenitorial rights to it. However, my use of it has confused people in certain quarters. Am I hostile to Liberals? To people with some form of mental handicap? Am I one of those "heartless Conservatives" you keep hearing about?

To answer those questions: no, I'm not hostile to Liberals, and by that I mean people who are "Classic Liberals", and not the current usage which is basically a pseudonym for "Communist". As for people with mental handicaps, well, I think I've made it clear; I've had a few of those myself. I don't know of anyone who might be more sympathetic to the trials and tribulations of those who suffer mental harm or defect. As for being a "conservative", well, they wouldn't have me in their club; I think God doesn't exist, I don't give a shit about anyone's sexual proclivities or preferences, and I'm certainly not in favor of free flamethrowers and RPG's for everyone.

Oh, and Rush Limbaugh is not my religion, either.

If I have any "conservative" views, they are simply these: Abortion is bad (I have personal experience in this area), taxes suck -- especially when they are misused to the detriment of the country by self-interested asswipes with tiles like Senator or Congressman -- but are a necessary evil. I don't give a crap if people are poor (if they are poor in the United States, it's their own fault, if elsewhere, then tough shit on you), and I don't believe that any effort on the part of mankind will change the forces that shape our climate, weather or the condition of our planet. The Earth will eventually be destroyed in some cosmic cataclysm, like the kind that initially created it, and there is very little we can do against the vast and mostly-unknown forces the Universe might toss our way. Certainly, when viewed in that way, recycling my soda cans in the appropriately-labeled trashcan will not help one iota.

Besides, fuck the whales; if Darwin was right, they'll evolve and adapt and continue as a species without us.

Now, as to what Libtard means...and how to spot one;

The first sign that you might be confronted by a Libtard is their proclivity to attribute evil intent and absolute power to inanimate objects or entities. Guns/Cigarettes/SUV's/Exxon-Mobil kill people, for example. I could very easily leave a loaded revolver on my dining room table, and I can promise you that so long as no one ever touches it, it will not go off of it's own accord and take out an innocent bystander. No one forces another person to smoke and get cancer. The idea that my neighbor's Lincoln Navigator will ultimately be responsible for killing Tibetan Yak Farmers by causing tsunamis, earthquakes, Cat-5 Hurricanes, or meteor strikes is simply too fanciful to be believed, and is (currently) unprovable by science. The point is to turn everyone into a victim; people are never responsible for their successes and failure, it's always some invisible, indefinable force generated by the evil object that causes something bad to happen.

Incidentally, they can never describe what this force is...but they're positive it's not any sort of God. In any case, people are never responsible for anything, except something bad, but they wouldn't have had the opportunity to be bad if that gun/cigarette/SUV/Exxon-Mobil never existed or were properly controlled.

The second sign that you may be talking with a Libtard is the twisted logical premises they all seem to possess. They might advance the premise that taxes are too low, and then insist that ATM fees are too high. They believe that the best way to ensure that everyone gets an equal result in all endeavors (medical care, education, Law-school enrollments, material wealth, etc.) is not to ensure an equality of opportunity, but rather impose an equality of misery. If my neighbor is a fat-ass, Big-Mac chomping, illiterate, poverty-stricken, unemployable crackhead, the solution is not to encourage him to mend his ways -- and reward him when he does -- but to lower my standard of living until my life is just as miserable as his. And over it all, because they're such enlightened and caring individuals, the Libtards will lord over it to ensure that even the pain is distributed equally.....except for himself. He's entitled to more, and better, because he's smarter and more caring than I am.

The next sign that a Libtard is on the loose is the famous NIMBY Formulation. This postulates that if there is something which gets the Libtard's nose out of joint (homelessness, drug-addiction, rampant crime), then they are entitled to cry and moan and gnash their teeth, and then suggest --and implement -- unworkable solutions that someone else is supposed to pay for and accept responsibility for, and from which She (usually it's women who think this way) should be absolved of all responsibility and any thought of shared sacrifice.

A sure-fire way to identify a Libtard, especially from a distance, is the way in which personality rather than intellect informs his politics and personal views. Men who accomplish very little of actual value, but who have great Charisma, a penchant for destruction and a thirst for raw power (Hitler, Stalin, Mao, Barack Obama), are afforded god-like status, while serious, sober, experienced and reasonable folks with actual accomplishments to their name and a desire to protect and defend the rights and dignity of the common man, are all irredeemable, hysterical, lunatic warmongers. George W. Bush and Ronald Reagan are complete morons, but Bill Clinton was the very definition of "Statesman".

Finally, you can identify your (Not-so-friendly) Neighborhood Libtard by how he defines the word "Liberal". To him, "Liberal" really means "Libertine", and a casual and arbitrary sort of Libertinism, at that. This sort of person twists the English language into pretzels in an effort to justify the worst sorts of behavior. So, the word "Choice" doesn't apply to activities he finds objectionable -- owning a gun, spending your own money in a way you see fit, smoking a cigarette, deciding how big a house you want, in other words, people exercising their own free will and subject to the consequences this might bring -- but rather to infanticide as birth control of last resort, and a means to avoid consequences and responsibility. "Marriage" is not a societal institution with great religious, cultural and legal significance -- it's simply a ceremony and a piece of paper. "Rights" only apply to people he sympathizes or allies with, and are things which should be protected when he finds them convenient, but abolished when his political foes attempt to exercise them. "Law" is not a codified system of rules for the protection and betterment of society, it is something to be bent any which way you can in order to get your way, especially if "your way" involves the weakening of polite society for his personal benefit.

That's what a "Libtard" is. I hope we might better understand each other now.

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